girl in pool on boardDECKED out in their swimmers, they excitedly wave as they pass us on their way to the top of the waterslide. The Bloke in The Shed grabs a mat in the hope it might help he and Princess reach the bottom more smoothly.

As Li’l Holly and I waited for them to reach the top, we watched pretty young thangs in bikinis and fake tan, closely followed by scrawny white college boys with raging hormones (I could see it in their eyes) and horrendous pimples. They need to watch more daytime TV. Hello, Proactive!

As this took place, Holly and I learnt a few things that may have been quite valuable for The Bloke in The Shed to know BEFORE he made his descent with Ella.

Things like:

  • A mat will actually make you go faster,
  • Going down with two people will actually make you go faster,
  • Being a heavier person will actually make you go faster.

Hmm, combine all three elements and you’re leaving Speedy Gonzalas for dead.

Then there was the little matter of children. Seasoned parents reached the bottom of the slide and then threw their arms into the air, holding tightly to their little ones so they weren’t dunked like Arnotts biscuits in a cup of English Breakfast tea. Most of the children stayed relatively dry.

All extremely valuable things to know. Of course, The Bloke in The Shed was totally obvious to all this.

Finally, it was time. Ella clung onto The Bloke in The Shed in the most awkward of ways, while the two pushed off on the mat plummeting faster than so-called prices as Coles supermarkets. As they made the final bend, they headed for the pool at the bottom. Then… SPLAT! They smacked the water hard. Ella went under, but her legs went up. All this caused large gushes of water to go up her snotills (her term for nostrils) and into her mouth.

When she came up, she screamed. And amid the screams came a “Don’t ever take me on that again, Dad. I hate waterslides’’. We heard this sentence for much of the rest of the day.

****

Fast forward to a week later. Ella and Holly have been happily playing with a little slide indoors. It’s aimed at two year olds, but Ella still loves it. Holding tightly onto her “baby’’ Jemima, she sat at the top of the slide, ready to push herself down.

Before plunging the two of them to the bottom, she turned to Jemima and said: `It’s OK Jemima, I’ll hold you over my head when we get to the bottom’’. See Dad, that’s how you do it.

baby in pool

Do you brave the waterslide at the pool? Do you have any tips for The Bloke in The Shed next time (apparently, Ella is over her fear and ready to try again)?

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21 Responses to How to slide your way into a child’s bad books

  1. kirri says:

    “pretty young thangs in bikinis and fake tan, closely followed by scrawny white college boys with raging hormones (I could see it in their eyes)”….and
    “snotills” – hilarious.

    Thanks for the laugh out loud this morning Kellie!
    kirri recently posted..The one thing you need to start creating the life you truly desireMy Profile

  2. amie says:

    Hillarious – dean and maya had a aimliar experience at the devonport pool except he NEW a mat would make them go faster!

  3. ahahahaha I can just see the look on her face when she told Baby shed hold her over her head! haha! and yes pro active teens.. what is wrong with them they all go around happily with pus for faces.. icky
    Mums the Word recently posted..Let this be a Warning to Others!My Profile

  4. Elise says:

    Oh poor poor Ella. The bloke needs to take some parenting tips from her! Thanks for todays laugh xx
    Elise recently posted..Whats a little boobie leakage between friends? Or, My day at workMy Profile

  5. Kelly says:

    HAHA! Sounds like my husband!
    Kelly recently posted..Fried Rice RecipeMy Profile

  6. Lisa wood says:

    Oh wow she is so brave to try it again! Nope – sorry I am not good with water slides, never liked them either!…the only advice I could tell her is to wait until she is older…like the ones that you saw “pretty young thangs in bikinis and fake tan”. Instead of the young thin males behind it could be Bloke in the Shed making sure she is safe 🙂

    Is there a smaller slide that she could try before the one that scared her? Help her to get her confidence back?

    All the best – it sure sounds like fun…hey maybe you could take her down?

    Cheers
    Lisa
    Lisa wood recently posted..Dinner For Two and Ice-Cream As WellMy Profile

    • Kel says:

      Same here, Lisa. Am not a fan of waterslides at all. So there is no chance of me EVER taking her down. LOL!
      At the Launceston pool, which I’ve posted about here before, they have two small slides which she enjoys. We might have to stick to that pool for a while, I think! 🙂

  7. OK, don’t usually feel the need to defend myself on here because it is usually indefensible BUT …..
    Firstly, I think Kel means OBLIVIOUS not OBVIOUS #justsayin
    And secondly, Ella has since said she wants to go on the waterslide again, only this time I’m to adhere to strict instructions, the biggest point being “I must hold her “up high at the end”. Yep, Ella, agreed.
    We’ll let you know how it goes 🙂
    THE BLOKE IN THE SHED recently posted..How to slide your way into a child’s bad booksMy Profile

  8. Di-licious says:

    Oh my. I feel awful for giggling, but I just can’t help it.
    Poor Ella.
    Poor Bloke in the Shed – he’s going to have to become superman next time you go to the pool…faster than a speeding bullet…able to lift squirming preschoolers… 🙂
    Di-licious recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: And now she is 4My Profile

  9. Caz says:

    So funny little miss Ella!! Such a wise little lady she is :O)
    Caz recently posted..SCHOOL HOLIDAY: A day at Melbourne Museum + double pass giveaway (closes 21.1.12)My Profile

  10. miss.cinders says:

    OKay I confess I laughed lol But it’s only because he should have really thought it through first! Things involving speed and water are number 1 think it through for a LONG while first. TBITS needs to work on his physics lol
    miss.cinders recently posted..Things I Know – The Bush EditionMy Profile

    • Kel says:

      LOL! Oh yes. We were at the pool again today and Ella said she was keen to try the waterslide again. The look on The Bloke in The Shed’s face made her change her mind pretty quickly! 🙂

  11. Oh, so funny! I’m still giggling at you beating Speedy Gonzalas! I LOVE water slides. They are the Ants Pants. The Bees Knees.

    Happy New Year Kel!
    Kymmie @ a day in the life of us recently posted..eat: macadamia, spinach & lemon pesto pasta, salad with sprinkles, and the most amazing dressingMy Profile

  12. UPDATE: At the pool today Ella decided she wanted to go again. She was all bravado until we got to the top …. when she decided to rethink. I talked her through a plan of attack and we launched into it. This time, she still screamed like a Banshee on the way down. I’m sure someone dialled 000 thinking a murder was taking place. This time though, we were going much slower and I held up at the end, only to nearly drown myself!!!! She loved it this time, but she still didn’t want to go again. 🙂
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