Guest post: The uniqueness of family

THIS post is by the wonderful Tahlia Mandie of the parenting files – because families matter and was inspired by two posts previously published here on Three Li’l Princesses. As a mum and psychotherapist, Tahlia provides some fabulous views on the topic of “family size and age gaps”.

THE thing about families is that they are all unique. Like no two-finger prints are the same, no two families are the same. Even those that come from the same blood line and generational line… still unique.

Kellie’s post on What’s Your Ideal Family Size? and What’s The Ideal Ideal Age Gap Between Children? raised some really great discussion and thought. So when the question of ideal was discussed, I could not help wonder what does ideal mean anyway?

Every answer was different, every story was different, and every thought and opinion was different.

There are lots of two’s in our family… our close immediate family that is. If I tracked back into my family tree I think I would find a maximum of three siblings. With eighteen months between my brother and I, we have always been close. Yes, we have had our fair share of wanting to throttle the other growing up, but now, as mature adults, we are pretty solid. I know he has got my back, and I have his.

Watching Brothers and Sisters religiously every week I was always inspired, in awe, and fantasising about that type of large family. The one where there is at least one person popping in every day, different dynamics, different shoulders to lean on, and for brothers and sisters to share their love differently across the large family. There is large laughter, excitement, entertainment and even dare I say it, drama.

There was always something happening.

There is always something happening.

So if I had to put a label on my ideal, this would be it – a large family of four children, hopefully with a mix of boys and girls, and a varied age gap between each.

But that is the thing about ideals; it is unique, individual and special. My ideal, my dream and my fairytale are my own created from my own experience, family relationships and dynamics. Something that comes from my value system and what is important to me.

We can try and plan, but yet we all know that plans sometimes do not work. Sometimes life takes us on a journey in a way that was not expected, not anticipated and certainly not even contemplated.

So as we evolve through life and grow through life, the fairytale has been adjusted somewhat. The man I married and his values and experiences, finances, priorities, life and simple genetics have impacted on this.

So maybe the question is not about what the ideal is, but rather, how we evolve, adjust and accept what has been given to us. How do we learn to change our once picture perfect fairytale to adapt to our current living, personal and relationship stage? There are certain things that sometimes we can’t control.

So I have my ideals, this is okay. As of today, we have one beautiful little girl. As of tomorrow, who knows… maybe my fairytale ideal will come true. Maybe it won’t. Maybe I need to adapt my ideals. This is ok. I know it will be okay. One way or another my dreams have come true.

{photo by Realtography}

Tahlia Mandie is a psychotherapist, family counsellor and mum who runs her own private practice, Direction Exploring and now runs her own blog, the parenting files – because families matter. Discussing all things parenting and family matters to the serious stuff to the not so serious stuff, the parenting files is spoken with a little witt, quirk and humour. Tahlia also writes regular columns and articles for magazines, newspapers and other online forums.