Ella as she was dressed at the beginning of the night.
STILL battling a feral teething, sleepless baby, I thought I’d tackle something more positive for this month’s Sleep Challenge. Like, how to get your children to love bedtime. Apologies if you just choked on your Weetbix. I say positive, because I’m pretty thankful the princesses are in bed by 7pm and happy to be there. What’s our secret?
It’s something we heard from some expert on a radio program a few years back and since adopting it, it’s turned bedtime around for us. Baby Holly is still a little young for this to be of any effect, but it’s ideal for three-year-old Ella.
Rather than throwing them over your shoulder, legs kicking and screaming so loud it makes the neighbours contemplate calling Family Services, we do the bedtime routine – milk, books and songs. OK, nothing new there. Unless, of course, you include the addition of jokes. Knock knock jokes to be exact. Humdingers like:
Ella: “Knock knock’’
Dad: “Who’s there?’’
Ella: “Ben.’’
Dad: “Ben who?’’
Ella: “You’d better go and ben-d down or you’ll spread Vegemite all over your face. Hahaha!’’
Not so thankful for those jokes. But I digress.
The key is then leaving on her night light and allowing her to read or play quietly until she’s sleepy. I know, not very groundbreaking. But it works. The idea is that kids should be allowed to go to sleep when they’re ready. They shouldn’t be forced to go to sleep when they’re not sleepy. This turns the whole experience into a positive one.
So now, we do our bedtime routine, tell her to read or play and that we’ll check in on her in 10 minutes. Sometimes when we go back in she’s out to it. Usually she’s upside down and wearing half her dress up box. But she’s in bed asleep, none the less. Other times she has all her “friends’’ (aka teddies and dolls) lined up in bed and a book turned outwards as she reads to them. She even does the “licking your finger’’ thing before turning pages.
Sure, there are periods where she keeps getting out of bed. “I need a wee. I need something to drink. I need… attention!’’ We just adopt the reward system – if you don’t get out, you get a reward at the end of the week. For us, it works.
PS. This post was inspired by a Twitter conversation about what time your children go to bed, with Lina from Mother’s Love Letters, Megan from Writing Out Loud (whose daughter “asked’’ to go to bed at 6.30pm last night), Alli from Motivating Mum (who responded with “What! I wish!’), Kirsty from Mummy To Five (who has five in bed by 7pm) and Sarah from Whisper Mum’s The Word. It was then taken to Facebook, where it exploded.
The consensus was 6.30-7.30pm. A few were 8-8.30pm. Some moved sleep times later as their children got older.
MONTH NINE: I had such high hopes I wouldn’t need to write this month’s Sleep Challenge. Unfortunately, my month has been plagued with teething and developmental leaps. Yes, just call me lucky, I guess.
I envisaged sleep deprivation would be a thing of the past. After last month’s sleep through, I thought I was on the path to sleepy heaven. Alas, no. Here I am, bags under my eyes, and blinking like a camera shutter in a room full of babies.
Baby Holly even teased me four nights in a row this week by sleeping from 7pm ‘til 7am and only having two shorts feeds. Then that was thrown out the window Wednesday night, when yet another toothy peg started to emerge.
SOLUTION: Here’s what I know about coping with teething and sleep?
Give the recommended dose of Nurofen or other ibuprofen. Ibuprofen is more suited to teething as it deals with targeted pain, while Panadol deals with all over pain and fevers. However, some suggest alternating between the two during teething, which we’ve found to be effective.
Bonjela teething gel – or, as we like to call it, Bon Jovi minus the big hair. This only last 20 minutes and can’t be used again for three hours. However, it often helps Baby Holly resettle quickly.
A breastfeed or bottle feed. Sometimes I think this is more about the cuddle comfort than the feed itself.
A cold, clean finger rubbed on the gums. Yours, preferably.
A cold pacifier for them to suck on. I just run it under the tap for a few seconds.
Cuddles. I’ve been known to sit in my comfy feeding chair, bub in arms and just rock back and forth for an hour. Whatever gets you through, right?
Let them cry. Eventually, they will fall sleep. I only tend to use this method when I’m at my wits end. This is really a personal choice, as some parents just don’t like the thought of leaving a baby when they’re in pain.
What do you know when it comes to coping with a teething baby at night?
Disclaimer: This is based on my personal opinion and experience. I am not a medical professional, so please seek medical advice if you are at all concerned.
Baby Holly asleep. She's taken to sleeping on her side of late.
MONTH EIGHT: On Monday night, when my puppy dog PJs and I snuggled into bed at 8.30pm to try and relieve a chesty cough, snotty nose and eight straight months of sleep deprivation, I decided I’d change my attitude to sleep. Forget complaining. I have a bad sleeper. It’s just life. There’s nothing more I can do about it. Hourly feeds, we may as well become friends.
I’d watched a Twitter chat weeks earlier talking about how some babies won’t sleep a full night no matter what you do. So there. End of Sleep Challenge. We can all pack up and go home now.
That was, until Monday night when my eight-month-old daughter Holly finally gave me permission to dream. Unfortunately, the head cold had other plans. But that’s beside the point. Holly went down to sleep at 7pm and, apart from a dummy run at 11pm, she slept until 4.45am. OK, so some of you wouldn’t be thrilled about starting your day at such an ungodly hour. But for me, that was bliss.
So what did I do differently?
SOLUTION:
She now goes off to sleep easier than she ever has. This is a combination of now being in a sleeping bag fully unwrapped, persevering with self settling (it’s hard yakka, but worth it) and mastering the do-your-own-dummy technique (with hundreds of them, scattered throughout the bed).
We dabbled with no meat and just veggies and it didn’t make an ounce of difference. So we’re back on slabs of steak again. However, I think it came down to adding more carbs to her dinner that proved the winner (rhyme not intentional). And thanks by the way, Elisha!
The real change came when I stopped giving her the 10pm feed. The first night I popped the dummy back in and she grizzled for half an hour before returning to sleep. She woke again and was fed at 1am, 3am and 6am. The second night she woke at 11pm and grizzled for 10 minutes, went quiet for 10 minutes, then screamed for an hour. I gave in and fed her at midnight. She woke and was fed at 3am and 6.30am. The third night (Monday), she grizzled for 10 minutes, then nothing again until 4.45am. I was just thrilled not to be feeding her every hour, let alone getting a sleep through. The fourth night (Tuesday) she woke at 12.45am, grizzled a little, then I didn’t hear from her again until 4.45am. What’s with that time? Now the task is to work on getting her to wake “after’’ the sun has come up. I just don’t know how many more Ab Circle Pro ads I can take.
‘Til next month… when I’ll probably have to switch this challenge to help sleep deprived mums learn to self settle again.
What age did your little one finally give you a full night of sleep?
BABY Holly and Princess Ella have colds, which is making Holly miserable and Ella… challenging. Holly is presently waking every hour from midnight ‘til 6am. OK, so there’s nothing really new there. Except that she doesn’t want a feed or a dummy. She just wants me to hold her. Which sounds so utterly sweet, except for the fact it’s the middle of the night.
During the day yesterday the heartbreaking tears and need for cuddles were constant. When 5pm hit, panic set in. How was I going to manage to cook dinner? Yes, as you can see, my world was going to end if I couldn’t get food heated.
Amid my sleep stupor I conjured up the idea to prop Baby Holly in her high chair, give her some spoons to play with (we can’t afford real toys) and pop on one of the Babies Love CDs– international pop-rock songs turned into lullabies.
Then panic set in. Which one would I chose?
Michael Jackson
The Police and Sting
U2
Rolling Stones
Stevie Wonder
Phil Collins
Mariah Carey
All, bar the latter, from the new collection.
Again, my world could very well end if I didn’t make the right decision. I chose the Boy Wonder in the hope he’d be able to work some of his magic. If he can make parents happy enough to make babies, then surely he can make babies happy enough to please parents.
And he did. Make Baby Holly happy, that is. Well, not him specifically, but a bunch of super talented musicians playing lullaby versions of Wonder’s classic tunes. The one that really stopped Holly in her tracks was Isn’t She Lovely. She smiled. Even laughed. Or maybe that was because I was singing at the top of my lungs.
If I’d known all the words to My Cherie Amour it might have had the same effect. That goes for Ribbon in the Sky too. Then mid way through the final track – Signed, Sealed Delivered, I’m Yours – I realised I’d better get dinner on.
Even if you don’t know all the words, the serene melodies will have you humming away. More importantly, they’ll help create a sense of peace and calm within the house. Well, for 40-odd minutes, at least.
These would have been perfect when I was up the duff too. Sure, you should play music to your unborn child, but after nearly three years of nursery rhymes I couldn’t bare listening to them voluntarily. However, this would be ideal relaxation music for me and delicate sounds for bub’s cognitive and emotional development. Quick, lock me in a room now.
The only real flaw I can see with these CDs is that some may buy them on the pretence they’re getting Wonder, or Jackson, or Sting. Sadly, you won’t even hear them breathe heavily in the background. But if you know what you’re getting, then these are sublime.
To go in the draw to win ALL SIX CDS – Michael Jackson, The Police and Sting, U2, Rolling Stones, Phil Collins and Mariah Carey – valued about $120, simply tell us which CD you would have chose to play to your upset baby. The giveaway closes Tuesday, May 31 at 7pm and a winner will be drawn randomly and announced on this blog and via Facebook and Twitter. Australian residents only.
Want more entries? Then here’s how you can up your chances in the draw. Each task is worth one extra entry, but must be included as a separate comment (or it won’t count).
Click the Facebook button below and share this giveaway with your Facebook friends. Then leave a separate comment saying something along the lines of “I’ve shared this on Facebook’’.
Click the Twitter button below and share this giveaway with your Twitter followers (Twitter handle is @ThreeLil). Then leave a separate comment saying something along the lines of “I’ve shared this on Twitter’’.
**I received a complimentary CD courtesy of Universal Music / ABC Music. All opinions expressed are purely my own.
MONTH SEVEN: Yes, you just read that headline right. Awake is no longer the new sleep in this house. Be gone, Ben Lee. After seven months of mostly one or two-hour stretches of night sleep after her initial four-hour sleep (I am so, so tired!), just prior to Mother’s Day Baby Holly delivered a whole seven hours of sleep in one sitting (or laying, rather).
I would have benefited from the full seven hours, except for some rather explosive-sized milk tankers. Time to back myself into the dairy and whack on those suction cups, I think.
It happened the night before Mother’s Day and was by far the best present my daughter could have given me. We’re not in dreamland just yet, but there’s at least now light at the end of the tunnel.
SOLUTION: We’ve done so many things, I really can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that’s helped. However, here’s what we’ve done:
* Letting her cry a little longer before she drifts off to sleep seems to help wear her out and sleep more soundly.
* During the night feeds, pulling her off just as her sucking slows so she’s not falling asleep on the boob. She usually tries to latch straight back on. I let her, then as her sucking slows I pull her off again. You continue this pattern until she no longer wants to suck. Each night the sucking will get less.
* Getting her tosleep unwrapped. This is still a work in progress. We’ve achieved this by first unwrapping one arm, with her hand either holding a pacifier or her cuddly toy. Another dummy is in her mouth. Having her hands full stops her from pulling her dummy out.
* Cutting back to two day sleeps. We think this has been a major contributing factor. She now has a mid morning sleep and a mid afternoon sleep.
* I think the biggest help, and probably a tad controversial for some, has been fast-tracking her food. Our health nurse said, because Holly is such a big girl, she’s constantly hungry and needing more than just my boobie juice. Hence, she feeds all night. It also kind of explains why she was screaming and wouldn’t settle to sleep. Poor thing was starving! So we put her on a fast-tracked diet to red meat to increase her iron levels. Note: It’s since been mentioned to us that some babies struggle to digest meat at such an early age and is what could be contributing to her lapse in sleep this last week. We’re still experimenting with the whole meat and veggies situation and will keep you posted.
What tips do you have for getting your baby to sleep?
A rare photograph of little Levi during the first six weeks of his lifeTHE Sleep Challenge post for this month is being handed over to my dear friend and mummy blogger Toni. Toni is a SIDS mum and has so graciously agreed to tell the story of her little boy, Levi, to help other mums. Please grab your tissues, hold your babies tight and, if you wish to leave a comment at the end, remember this is an extremely personal story and please be respectful.
Afterwards, visit her wonderful blog Chick Chat where she blogs about being a mum, books and anything else she might tell you over coffee. To read more about Levi, visit Angel Scraps, a blog dedicated to inspiring others to scrapbook after losing a loved one.
Now here’s Toni’s story:
What do you do when you see a stall selling Red Nose Day products? I used to be one of ‘those’ parents who would turn away. I just didn’t want to know about it (you’d be surprised how many people hurry by, looking the other way)
Back in 1996, I knew nothing about SIDS. I thought it was the same thing as suffocation and I didn’t personally know anyone who’d lost a child to SIDS. But on July 22nd, my son Levi and I became statistics. He was one of 23 babies to die of SIDS in WA that year. One of 212 in Australia. One of 26 in July, 1996.
It happened like this…
I put him to bed as usual, but very warmly dressed. It was a cold day and the house was draughty, so I had him in my bed, on his tummy, on a sheepskin and with a doona tucked over him. Far too warm, far too covered… but I didn’t know that.
He `slept’ for much longer than usual and, eventually, I went in to pick him up. I really needed to go into town with my friend and get milk and bread. It was school holidays and the bigger kids were eating me out of house and home. Just a normal day.
Until I opened my door and saw he was way down, completely under the covers. I felt my scalp start to prickle and I threw the doona back. I could see right away that he wasn’t right. He was very pale and looked like a little wax doll.
My heart stopped. I scooped him up and he just flopped in my hands. For the tiniest of seconds I thought to myself “No! He’s just playing a trick on me!” but, of course, he wasn’t. I ran out of the house screaming, jumped into my friend’s car and we drove away with me frantically trying to resuscitate him. Although, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was already too late.
I remember briefly thinking, “Oh my GOD, I just left all the kids alone in the house!” but then I dropped that thought; there was only room in my head for what was happening with my 48 day old baby.
We got to the closest medical help, a doctors’ surgery, and I burst in yelling “Someone get me some help! NOW!”. Four doctors who were having their lunch, poor things, came running over and took him from me. They whisked him away and I followed them. I had to see what was happening. A nurse tried to have me come away, but I promised her I wouldn’t get in the way, and she let me stay.
I watched as those four doctors tried frantically to revive him, until at last one of them came over to tell me there was nothing they could do. I knew anyway. He was gone when I picked him up.
We were taken into another room to wait for the police to arrive. They were two young officers, who’d never had to deal with anything like this before and you could tell they were really shaken by what had happened. As for me, I felt like I’d fallen into some horrible B-grade movie. Things were dream-like and surreal and at the same time so very, very real and immediate. I didn’t know what to do.
I was being asked all kinds of questions that I couldn’t answer and there were no proper thoughts in my head, only this great loud bell, clanging “MY BABY IS DEAD! MY BABY IS ACTUALLY DEAD!”
After what felt like years, we were told we could go to the hospital with him (to the morgue, though no one actually said that word out loud.) So my friend drove us and I held Levi on my lap. We joked about what would happen if a policeman pulled us over for not having the baby in a carseat. Funny how your sense of humour kicks in at the worst of times. There were people everywhere, walking about in town, enjoying the afternoon sunshine and we were driving past them, with a dead baby in the car. Weirdest experience of my life.
When we got to hospital, we were met by my midwife. She was completely devastated, but so professional. She organised to take photos of Levi, which I didn’t want to do (not because I didn’t want photos, but because I didn’t have the mental energy to think about it) so she took charge and did them herself. Thank God she did, because not ONE of the photos I had taken of him in the past six weeks turned out, thanks to a faulty camera. So those are almost the only photos I have of him. Ironic, much?
We were able to sit with him until I was ready to leave. It was dark when I finally started to think I should really get home to the other kids (a friend had gone to the house to sit with them). So, after a lot of crying, kissing and cuddling, I handed my baby back to my midwife and left the hospital, with empty arms.
***
About a year later, I contacted SIDS and Kids in WA and met, for the first time, a bunch of other parents and the most wonderful team of `counsellors’ who gave me the ray of hope I’d been looking for. I’m absolutely certain they were the biggest help in healing my heart – just being able to share with a bunch of people who knew exactly what I was going through and feeling ‘normal’ for the first time.
Through them, I started doing phone support, attending meetings, workshops, and even speaking to emergency responders, midwives and parent groups. I loved doing the volunteer work and only gave it up when I fell pregnant in 2001. I felt it was just too hard for grieving parents to be faced with a pregnant woman.
***
SIDS and Kids has been running the Safe Sleeping Campaign since 1991. In that time, the incidence of SIDS in Australia has dropped by almost 90%. The recommendations they make have been backed by many years and untold millions of dollars in research by experts all over the world.
This is what they say:
How to Sleep your Baby Safely:
1. Sleep baby on the back from birth, not on the tummy or side
2. Sleep baby with face uncovered (no doonas, pillows, lambs wool, bumpers or soft toys)
3. Avoid exposing babies to tobacco smoke before birth and after
4. Provide a safe sleeping environment (safe cot, safe mattress, safe bedding)
5. Sleep baby in their own safe sleeping environment next to the parent’s bed for the first six to 12 months of life.
If you have any questions or concerns about any of these five practices, phone your local SIDS office on 1300 308 307. They’ll be only too happy to talk to you.
Please – don’t end up as another statistic.
This post is part of FlogYoBlog Friday. Please visit Where’s My Glow? for more inspiring stories.
PS. This post was inspired by a Twitter conversation about what time your children go to bed, with Lina from Mother’s Love Letters, Megan from Writing Out Loud (whose daughter “asked’’ to go to bed at 6.30pm last night), Alli from Motivating Mum (who responded with “What! I wish!’), Kirsty from Mummy To Five (who has five in bed by 7pm) and Sarah from Whisper Mum’s The Word. It was then taken to Facebook, where it exploded. 
