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Category: The Bloke in The Shed

  • One man’s sweet take on the “morning cuppa”

    One man’s sweet take on the “morning cuppa”

    Girl in children's kitchen
    Li'l Holly making herself a drink in her big sister's kitchen.

    By The Bloke In The Shed

    SOME of my fondest memories as a child are of jumping into my mum and dad’s bed early of a morning. Compared to my own bed, it seemed enormous.

    Not only that, I watched my dad – the hunter/gatherer of the family – religiously be the one to get out and make my devoted mum her cup of tea in bed of a morning. Like breeds like.

    Our family loves our morning snuggles in bed and, yes, it has been traditionally yours truly to get out of bed and make the morning drinks for the clan.

    Ella’s morning brew, as opposed to mum’s cup of tea, has been Milo since about the age of two. On the odd – and I’ll say very odd – occasion, mum has got up to make the family drinks, Ella has chucked the most enormous of hissy fits.

    “No mummy, I want daddy to make my Milo; you make it yucky etc etc etc etc.”

    Until recently, I’d always worn it as a sense of pride. That is, until, Princess Kel and I both had cause to be up in the kitchen during the drink-making ritual.

    Collingwood beer holder
    Li'l Holly insists on putting her milk container into a Collingwood stubby holder.

    As usual I poured milk for Li’l Holly, a one-sugared tea for mum, a one-sugared coffee for dad and a one-sugared Milo for Ella. Princess Kel looked at me as if I’d just shot the Pope.

    “YOU SUGAR ELLA’S MILO!!!!!!!!!!,’’ she wailed, like Tom Cruise wailed for ‘the truth’ in the closing scenes of A Few Good Men. I refused the urge to say “you can’t handle the truth’’ and offered up a feeble, “yes”.

    “We talked about it when we started giving her Milo,’’ I said, with the knowledge I was backed up by my photographic memory …… um, what were we talking about?

    Let’s face it, Milo without sugar is like bacon without eggs. It’s not right.

    Whatever the scenario, mum was offended and upset at the fact her sugarless offerings had been treated with the contempt they’d deserved.

    Ella and I looked at each other. Shrugged. And poured ourselves another hot drink.

    God love her.

    Do your children get to drink Milo or is it strictly a morning milk affair?

  • Would you like to be my guest?

    Would you like to be my guest?

    Girls rugged up for winter

    I’m looking to start a series of fun posts from fellow mums and mum bloggers on “Life and Laughter” to run every Friday. There are a few reasons behind starting the series, including giving mums a place to post outside their own blog or Facebook page and hopefully drive a little traffic and Google ranking their way.

    If you’re interested, you can choose any of the “new’’ sub category topics under “Life and Laughter” – “new’’ because I deleted ALL my categories the other day accidentally and so decided to start from scratch. So pick a Life and Laughter sub category topic from the homepage sidebar (apart from The Bloke in The Shed – unless you have manly bits) and inform, educate or entertain us. Note: we’re also adding a “Looking after mum’’ headline if you’re interested in posting on that topic as well.

    There are a few guidelines:

    • Aim to keep your post between 300-700 words.
    • You can be witty, serious, write in list form, use an image only or story format (although, note, short sentences and some images help prevent the “grey slab of text’’ look).
    • Include at least one image, but you’re more than welcome to include more.
    • End with a short bio and a photo of yourself or your blog button. You’re more than welcome to leave a link to your blog and one social media site.
    • I’m happy to hear if you’ve got keywords you’d like me to use.
    • The post can be submitted as text in an email with images attached or html in a Word Doc file, whichever is easiest for you.
    • Please refrain from making the post an ad for your business or brand. We won’t run content we don’t believe fits in with the style of the blog. I know, we’re mean, aren’t we?

    If you’re interested in taking part, email the idea or the post itself to us and we’ll get back to you.

  • Taking one for the team

    Taking one for the team

    By The Bloke In The Shed

    Julian O'Brien

    So eight weeks has gone since “the snip” and the next step in the process has arrived. Throughout this process I’ve decided to document my experiences as a way of helping out other dads who may be preparing to go through or contemplate the same thing.

    Really, after the operation, there’s not a lot to be done apart from let things heal. Initially I was a little perturbed there were no stitches and wounds were left open to heal but in the end it worked out well. It’s designed to let things “leak out” as they need to allow natural healing – again, someone pick Princess Kel off the floor, please – and that proved true.

    Other than that all you need is to try and, ahem, get “the squigglies” out of your system.

    Then comes the time – no pun intended – for proving that the procedure has worked. For that, there is a plastic jar and the rest I’ll leave to your imagination.

    The simple instructions from the surgeon were “take sample” and “deliver to pathology within an hour” at least “10 days before our next appointment”. Okay. I can do that. Simple.

    Work day. Drop Ella off at school. Head home. Kellie smirks. Take sample (in private). Kellie smirks, Head to pathology. Drop it off. Simple. Right?

    Wrong.

    I walk into where I’ve been told to drop it off with all I have been given to drop it off with – a clear container in a clear plastic bag. The pathology centre is packed, wall-to-wall, with what looks to be the local senior citizens club.

    The lady behind the counter looks at me with a concerned look on her face. “Um, we can’t process that here, we’re not a lab?’’ she says, “You’ll need to take it to the Mersey Hospital (15 minutes away)”.

    Then in open conversation in full voice she proceeds to ask:

    “Have you kept it warm?”

    “What time did you take it?”

    “Is it the full sample?”

    “Hang on I’ll just get a warmer for it.’’

    At which point she grabs a mug you’d usually use to travel with your coffee and puts the jar inside. She then tells me to hightail it out the door to the Mersey hospital.

    Fifteen minutes later, in another pathology room at the hospital, the lady behind the counter in the jam-packed facility asks me the same questions as the other lady at the top of her voice. She looks concerned.

    She takes out the jar and looks closely at it as if a pawn shop dealer trying to determine whether it is Kate Middleton’s engagement ring or one of those rings you get out of the $2 lucky dips at the show. “I’m sorry, I’ll just need to get this to the incubator,’’ she says taking it from the coffee cup which I’m sure once proudly housed someone’s blend of Robert Timms.

    She hands me a survey to fill out, which again includes about how “the sample” was taken, when it was taken, how long had you abstained before the last sample was taken etc She reads the survey and I feel like I am being analysed by Judge Judy.

    I started the day feeling 10-foot tall. Less than an hour into the day I feel about three inches tall …. and no, don’t read anything into that.

    So was all that worth it? We’ll find out in a couple of weeks…

    What embarrassing moment have you had this week?

  • Hairdresser’s appointment leads to eyebrow raising moment

    Hairdresser’s appointment leads to eyebrow raising moment

    By The Bloke In The Shed
    The question hit me right between the eyes – literally.
    It was unexpected, I’d never been asked it before and it was just a little unnerving to be asked quite loudly in a crowded hair salon by a hairdresser who looked like she’d not long ago graduated from fingerpainting and play lunch.
    “Now, would you like me to trim your eyebrows?’’ she said innocently.
    Calmly, I replied “no, thank you” but deep down I felt like someone had slammed me in my hairy forehead with a sledgehammer.
    My mind was racing.
    Is that normal? Is she serious? Are my eyebrows that bad? Have my eyebrows become an eyebrow?’’
    When I turned 35 I think I had a mid-life crisis which lasted about a day.
    Now, at 37, one innocent question from a hairdresser sent me into a tailspin.
    It led me to post –

    Um, hairdresser asked me if I wanted my eyebrows trimmed. What the? #gettingold #monobrow

    – on Facebook.
    One “friend” said I should only be worried if they asked to trim my ear hairs.
    I would have found that funny if only a few months earlier I hadn’t found one rogue hair growing one full centimetre directly out from one of my ear holes.
    Another mate said the same question had surfaced for him at age 35 and yes, he still answered “NO!”.
    Another suggested I should tell them to trim my nose hairs.
    I would, but it’s rather hard to attack a rainforest with a pair of garden sheers.
    I came home from the salon and told Princess Kel my sad story.
    She laughed.
    And laughed.
    So much for support.
    Oh well, at least in my old age, I’ll have my ever expanding optical warmers to keep me company and who knows, if I live long enough, I might have my own portable knee warmers.

    Have you heard of someone being asked this before?

    Photo credit.

  • The idea of a little brother given the chop: The aftermath

    The idea of a little brother given the chop: The aftermath

    If you have a husband/partner/boyfriend contemplating having a vasectomy, this post may help answer some questions and shed some of those fears. WARNING: If operations make you squirmish, probably best not to read this one.

    dad and daughter

    By Julian O’Brien

    The anaesthetist peered down at me as I lay on the table. “You’re lucky it’s a hot day,’’ he said. Puzzled, I shot him a questioning look. “Well, it makes the operation go quicker if things are hanging low and not retreating,’’ he said. And that was the last thing I remember.

    Waking up what seemed like hours later after my vasectomy, which happened on the morning of the Labor leadership challenge, I was ashamed my first slurred words on waking were … “so, is it Julia or Kevin?’’. Yep, weird I know – not entirely relevant to the situation I found myself in.

    Sitting in my robe awaiting the surgery, it had seemed like an eternity to get to that point. Truth be told, it was. You see, Princess Kel and I had talked about this a long time ago (even pre-marriage) and decided, should we be lucky enough to get our two children, I would bear the burden of birth control. It’s an incredibly personal choice and not for everyone.

    One thing is reinforced through the whole process and that is: While there is an outside chance of reversal once done, the operation should be considered terminal for your “little squigglies’’. It’s not a decision we’d taken lightly and we’d received good advice to take our time with it as I’d spoken about in my first post on the topic.

    Strangely, I went in to the operation with very few nerves at all. It was a relatively straight-forward procedure. Post op I sat enjoying a sandwich and a coffee when the nurse said to me, “he (my surgeon) doesn’t usually give you any stitches, he just leaves a hole’’. At my first opportunity, I grabbed a sneaky look and, sure enough, there was just one single hole. (Can someone pick my wife up off the floor please, she gets a bit queasy).

    Anyways, the post-op pain was OK, but I did decide to take a couple of the prescribed painkillers. That feeling was worse than the operation. For the next few hours I laid on the couch watching the roof spin before they wore off and I pledged to stick to nothing but Nurofen from that point.

    I’ve taken the medical advice and taken it relatively easy since. Thing seems to be going OK. The process now? Well, I’ve got eight weeks to work the remaining “little squigglies” out of the system fully (vasectomy bonus!) before I book a date with a specimen jar and pathology. That’s one story I’ll leave well alone.

    If you have any questions at all, I’m more than happy to answer them.

  • The idea of a little brother given the chop

    The idea of a little brother given the chop

    sisters

    By Julian O’Brien

    Princess Ella must have a sixth sense. Lately she’s been asking constantly for a “little brother”. Now that Baby Holly is no longer a “baby” and can more than hold her own, Princess Ella is after someone else to boss around. Every time Ella asks, I struggle to find the words to explain, but there will be no little baby brothers, or sisters, for that matter.

    You see, today is the day of “The Snip”. I posted a little while ago when the vasectomy was first booked in and it seems like time has flown towards the operation day. Princess Kel and I had always planned only two children and the snip was always the preferred option for us, but everyone is different.

    Strangely, I’m not at all concerned about it to be honest. I’ve read all the provided material, I’m in the hands of a very good surgeon and I’ve spoken to others who have gone through it. Princess Kel is far more squeamish than I am about it and couldn’t even bare to look at the diagrams in the information booklets posted from the hospital.

    In another twist of fate I saw on Twitter ABC personality Adam Spencer tweet last week that he’d undergone “the snip’’ and had posted a pic of himself with his “best friend” … a bag of frozen peas.

    Adam Spencer Twitter

    I tweeted Adam and was surprised to get this message back:

    “It’s not that bad actually mate – I went the big freeze as a precaution but am pea-free today – cheers’’.

    Here’s hoping on a pea-led, quick recovery.

    How did you (or your hubby) cope post “the snip”?